Learning Moments

Finding connection in the pauses between words

I had another quietly inspiring Unhurried Conversation. Each time I’m reminded how different it feels when we slow down together. When speaking and listening, take turns. When silence is part of the conversation. And when nobody has to push and interrupt to be heard.

An Unhurried Conversation is an open dialogue guided by a few simple rules, allowing conversation partners to explore what matters while ensuring everyone is heard.

Turn taking

One of these rules is turn-taking: The person holding the talking piece speaks. Everyone else listens. When the speaker is finished, they place the talking piece down. Only then can someone else pick it up and speak.

This works surprisingly smoothly — even online. The rule creates a rhythm of speaking and listening that feels gentle and respectful.

When things are unhurried, we don’t necessarily go slow, but we create enough space for connection to happen. 
Johnnie Moore

The Gap That Is No Interruption

Between speakers, something interesting happens. Tiny delays create small pauses. Or sometimes, when no one grabs the talking piece, even moments of silence. Sometimes the pauses are tiny. Sometimes they stretch a little longer. These gaps can feel awkward at first. But they are also fascinating.

In those moments, we simply look at each other. A brief moment of silent connection. Who will take the talking piece next? Where will the conversation go?

To me, it feels like “the interruption that is no interruption.” 

The Intention to Speak

I love these gaps—the joint waiting and wondering. Even the awkwardness of it, it feels so human. 

To me, they offer an opportunity to speak up or not. In many conventional conversations, I often stayed silent. Not because I had nothing to say, but because entering the conversation required interrupting or competing for space. Jumping in quickly has never been my style.

In an Unhurried Conversation, the rhythm changes. The pause creates space and possibilities. I can join the conversation in my own time.

A Different Way of Being Together

What strikes me is that in all the Unhurried Conversations I have participated in, something remarkable happens. Nobody dominates the space. There are no ping-pong arguments. No rushing to respond. Instead, people listen. And build on what others say.

The rule helps. But it also requires conversation partners who share an intention: to listen, to respect each other, and to allow the conversation to unfold.

Unhurried Conversations show that dialogue can have another rhythm. Sometimes the conversation flows quickly. Sometimes it moves slowly. But it always remains gentle, generous, and grounded. 

What would happen if we allowed more pauses in our conversations?
If we didn’t rush to respond, interrupt, or fill every silence?

Try it in your next conversation.
Pause. Listen. Wait.
You might discover that the space between words is where the most meaningful connection begins.

More about Unhurried Conversation

https://www.unhurried.org/conversations

Curious to experience an Unhurried Conversation? Join us. We meet every 2nd Monday of the month. It’s free, and you’re warmly welcome. Sign up here.

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The bit at the end

Exciting events on the horizon to support your exploration:

• What if the most rebellious thing you could do right now is pause?
  Pause with us—find out more about Rebel with a Pause here and join us for a free monthly 30-minute pause.
• Curious to experience Street Wisdom for yourself — inspiring, surprising, and quietly powerful? Reach out, and let’s wander with wonder through the streets, alleys, and bridges of Alkmaar or Amsterdam. Learn more about Street Wisdom here.
• For more Learning Moments, subscribe to my newsletter and get timely updates straight to your inbox.

Reach out,  I’m always open for a chat.
Creatively,
Nadia

P.S.The paintings featured on the blog are my own.