Inspiration from a violinist
How much do you listen to a workshop to come?
No, I am not joking.
I was unaware that listening played an important role in my preparation work as a facilitator till I had a conversation with my friend Gonnelieke. Gonnelieke is a violinist. And an excellent listener. She opened my eyes, I can listen to the sound of a conversation before the workshop starts, see my last blog post: Listen to imagine.
There is more I can learn from Gonnelieke. Conversations are sparked by musical qualities.
Tuning in
I had a conversation. It was like playing a piece of music, each of us sharing her/ his part.
Gonnelieke van Oosterom
To Gonnelieke, a conversation has the rhythm of listening and talking. Listening and talking are equal pairs. Knowing that the musical score is not the music, the sound of a conversation is co-created in the present moment.
So, what are the magic ingredients to create such an experience of tuning in a conversation? What is possible for the facilitator to do?
Invite arrival
We must establish a personal connection with each other. Connection before content. Without relatedness, no work can occur.
Peter Block via David Gurteen
Inviting arrival to me means meeting each other. As I would when I pick up a visitor at the station. The short moments in the meeting’s ‘arrival hall’ must be social. As the facilitator, I try to spread a feeling of ‘you are welcome’ to everyone and give them time and space to connect with one another. “Great you are here, please turn to your neighbour and have a first quick conversation.” Being in conversation makes people tune in, feel at ease and be present.
Invite listening
When you talk, you are only repeating what you already know. But if you listen, you may learn something new.
The Dalai Lama
I love this quote and at the start of a conversation might refer to it. It is a good reminder. Because there are amazing listeners and fast talkers in a diverse group of people.
Sometimes it is helpful to establish an agreement.
The 6 agreements of the Conversation Cafe
- Suspend judgment as best as you can
- Respect one another
- Seek to understand, rather than persuade
- Invite and honour diverse opinions
- Speak what has personal heart and meaning
- Go for honesty & depth without going on & on & on
Source: Conversation Cafe (from the Liberating Structures toolbox)
Invite silence
“The deepest feeling always shows itself in silence.”
Marianne Moore
Silence is the most natural thing to happen in a conversation. Yet, it can feel awkward at times, for those not used to it. So, I mention it at the start: ‘There might be silence. This might be a bit uncomfortable. That’s ok. It helps to listen better and understand. Enjoy it.’
In my role as the facilitator, I try not to fill the silence. I often count to 60 to give the group time to think and speak up. They usually do and often is a turning point.
How will you tune in to upcoming conversations?
If you want to experience an Unhurried Conversation or a Conversation Café, reach out or find the link here: https://linktr.ee/nadiavonholzen
Best wishes from the Netherlands,
Nadia
Painting: Nadia von Holzen
Learning Moments 
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